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Posted by Sandy Weiner in dating a dangerous mandating in midlifered flags in relationships 11 comments. Pay close attention to his actions and words. Do they line up? One of the advantages to dating after 50 is that I no longer go into a relationship with my eyes shut to the true nature of a man.
No more wishful thinking or projecting what I hope lies beneath the surface. But not for long. Two years ago, I met a man online who was smart, attentive, and very sexy. It was a fun conversation. He told me he found me to be very How to recognise a player in dating and sexy. Nevertheless, it seemed as if we had many similar values, and I felt a kinship and connection for the first time in a long time. I was looking forward to meeting him that Saturday night. On Friday, he called on his way home from work. I told him something that made him uncomfortable, and he abruptly shut down and cancelled the date.
From my point of view, what I shared with him was intended to be kind and helpful, certainly not offensive. Even though I was a bit shaken, I felt I had dodged a bullet. A few months ago, he contacted me on another dating site. How to recognise a player in dating recognized him immediately, and remembered the good and the bad. I was open to seeing if he was less reactive. He had so many redeeming qualities, why not give him another chance?
So, we began communicating again. The attraction was still there, and after a wonderful first phone call, he began texting. And texting. The texting soon got sexy — no surprise here. I was playful but let him know that I wanted to be seen as a whole woman, not objectified as a sex object. He promised that he did see and appreciate all of me, and I really wanted to believe him.
No mention of sex! Maybe he had changed for the better. A few weeks later, we had our first real date. He drove to my neighborhood — I always appreciate when a man makes the effort to drive a distance to see me. He greeted me warmly with a kiss. We went out for drinks at a local restaurant. He held my hands throughout the evening. We spoke openly and transparently about what we learned from our past relationships. We talked about the big challenges we had overcome in our lives. Keep your eyes wide open and slow things down.
When we got back to his car, he became very passionate and persistent. He wanted to take me back to his apartment that night, and it was time to let him know my policy about sex in a relationship. His actions proved otherwise. His subsequent texts lost their sexiness and urgency. Instead of several texts a day, I now heard from him every few days.
When I asked if he was okay because he seemed to be shutting down, he assured me that all was fine. He was just busy with work and life. When I reviewed the texts exchanged over the preceding few weeks, I saw a pattern that echoed our very first encounter two years earlier. He misinterpreted my words several times. Would he please call when he had the time? He promised he would. Believe a man when he shows you his character the first time. Forgive mistakes. Recognize a player early on.
A relationship that begins with incessant texts is bound to lead to misunderstandings.
Pick up the phone to discuss instead. ability is one of the cornerstones in a relationship. He will never value you for who you are. I felt great when I was with this guy. But when we were apart, I felt anxious and untrusting. A good guy will show you that he likes you by staying in touch between dates. If he disappears, let him go. I thought that was the dignified thing to do. Especially this early in the game. We had just met. He did me a favor by showing How to recognise a player in dating character so quickly. Instead of contacting him, I got back to living my fabulous life without him.
Yes, I let myself be taken in by his manliness, sexiness, intelligence, and seemingly shared values. Now my eyes are wide open. I date with dignity and self-respect. And each man is my teacher. I know how to cut the players loose before my heart takes over. I can balance my head and my heart. Dating is complex, and the more you learn about yourself, the better the outcome of your relationships.
Now that I know better, I do better.
This is the same process I take my clients through. Love yourself first. Love your life. Live your best life. Let go of past relationships and learn from them. Be open to new experiences and new types of men. Keep your eyes open to the red flags that show up early on. Understand that a good guy wants to escalate the relationship and takes an active interest in you.
He knows how to pick up the phone and call. He makes dates in advance and respects your time. Know your relationship must-haves and make sure he has all of them. Have you ever dated a player who was disguised as a good guy?
What happened? Great article Sandy…. One of your bests. Brilliant And right on. Players, sex addicts and psychopaths. Or men looking to latch on to my financial security. I can spot them a mile away and I run. But really … Where are the good guys? The good guys are out there. But the right men, the good guys, are everywhere if you know how to spot them. I just got played. I am 54 How to recognise a player in dating. This player I met was soooo good at the game. First, he was very attractive. We spent the weekend together, deleted our profiles. He introduced me to his sister and, daughter and nephews.
I thought I met my man. We had sex Sun. Mon morning he left for work. I called, texted and ed him. I felt like I was in high school again. I think being lonely for so long played a part in my fog. I have learned now to keep my eyes more than open. Also, feeling stupid to admit this we had unprotected sex…2 weeks later I got tested and all is fine.How to recognise a player in dating
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